Miss L'Arche, sad day today!

I cannot believe that it has been more than a year since I came back to PA.  :( I miss L'Arche at pretty ridiculous levels, even though I am pretty content with my life here. I mean more than content, but OMIGOSH, do I miss the absolute LOVE I received there, and also the love I FELT there. Loving others is called Agape love, I think, so I guess you could call L'Arche agape love. See, the folks at L'arche are people with developmental disabilities, so I guess you could maybe say they were what Jesus called, "the least", not because HE thought they were, but because that is what the world thinks. I mean, they can't do everything everyone else can, they probably won't invent the next Apple product, some government officials don't think that people with DD deserve funding for work and life. EVEN though, holy crap I'm about to rant a bit, most of them CAN work. And do pretty well at it, if I might add.  Anyway, what I am saying is as I am far away from them, I don't even think about their disabilities. Alls I remember is how they made me feel, how I felt when I was with them. Sure we had issues (WHERE ARE YOUR SOCKS!!!!!), but man, how can you NOT feel special when you get home and get major hugs. Or you walk downstairs in your pajamas and someone tells you that you look beautiful today. Or you are just helping someone with an intimate task and you just wonder, HOW CAN THEY TRUST ME THIS MUCH??
So here is a list of things I LOVE about L'Arche:

1. All the moments that made me nearly pee myself with laughter.
2. Lingering over coffee, the newspaper and laughs pretty much every morning.
3. Being able to spend a LOT of time trying new things in the kitchen, and having people tell you they loved it or hated it, and you KNEW they were honest. 
4. Watching Little House on the Prairie every night.
5. People telling you were beautiful
6. Having about 6 nicknames.
7. Meeting all kinds of amazing wonderful amazing wonderful perfect lovely people.
8. being honored with taking care of people's needs, and having them return the favor.
9. feeling truly loved.

some great books, and a few funny stories

The other day I took Mr. DH to his light therapy. We had gotten there early, and just sat down when I noticed he wasn't wearing any socks. We trooped back downstairs, and back to the van because he ALWAYS has socks in his back-pack. He did today as well, a pair of black and white striped ones that were quite dirty. I asked him, "Where are the purple ones that I gave you this morning". He replied, "under the couch"!!! He proceeded to share that story with everyone we came across that afternoon!!!!

The very next day, he had another appointment. A few of the highlights:

1. Leading me over to the exam bed, asking me to sit down, then pushing the foot pedal that made the bed go up.

2. Telling me I had a pretty face while patting my face.

3. Talking about how he took Joel a peanut butter sandwich, and that Joel was a smelly Old man.

All of these occurred when the Doctor was in the room. He was perfectly behaved when it was just us waiting there!!

Later that afternoon, after eating some soup with veggies we made Mr. Butcher informed me, after passing gas, that there was "too much gas in the soup".

I read some fantastic books lately:

Forever by Judy Blume. Judy Blume is an awesome lady!!!! I can see why some people want her books banned. It's because they talk about real emotions, and raw honest truth. This book focused on young (and all) love and sex. It spoke of birth control, promiscuity, and teenage pregnancy. It was excellent. One of my favorite lines was, "That's not a bad word (fucking). . . hate and war are bad words but not fucking". Isn't that so true!! Why do some people freak out about words when there is so much hate and war in the world. If 'fucking" is used in hate or anger, then it is not cool, but when it is used as a term for sex, then who the hell cares??

I also read her book Summer Sisters this book was excellent as well. Her characters are so REAL. It was about two best friends who spent each summer of their pre-teen and teen years together, and illustrates how they change and grow, and also the various emotions regarding friendship, love, sexuality, jealousy etc.

The Dry Grass of August byAnna Jean Mayhew dealt excellently with issues of race, and of domestic violence. It was very beautifully written and a delicious read. I read it straight through, and completely lost track of time, and nearly missed my bus, and then did miss my bus stop.

Wishin' and Hopin by Wally Lamb is a fantastic story about a little boy in a Catholic elementary school. It was funny, real and a super read! I loved it and read it straight through!

Wally Lamb is a brilliant writer. Check out his other books as well!

L'OVE L'ARCHE and can you be a spiritual atheist??

Hello!

My dear co-assistant is very kindly installing a lock for my door. He tried, in vain, yesterday to install a new door knob with a lock, but it did not work (probably because my door is between 15,000-89,000 years old). Anyway, why a lock?? Well, because a very dear core member came to my room at 6:15 a.m. on my day away to have the following conversation with me:

CM: Yabbbbyyyy, wake up!

Me: What?? Oh, good morning. . .

CM: today saturday??

Me: No

CM: well please, i sleep in

Me: tomorrow buddy

CM: whyy

Me: because buddy, tomorrow is saturday.

CM: whyy

Me: because today is Friday, and Saturday comes after Friday

CM: Why?

Me: because thats how people designed it.

CM: What?

Me: because that's how people made it.

CM: WHAT?

Me: because that's how it is

CM: Whyy?

Me: I don't know buddy, thats how it is. Friday, than Saturday.

CM: Why?

and on an on.

Actually, I didn't mind that at all. What I am worried about is being in the midst of changing, and having the same thing occur..

I LOVE MY LIFE, for real!!!

A Credo for Support

Check this to hear the below credo read:

http://www.normemma.com/videos/credo.htm

A Credo for Support

Do Not see my disability as the problem.

Recognize that my disability is an attribute.

Do Not see my disability as a deficit.

It is you who see me as deviant and helpless.

Do Not try to fix me because I am not broken.

Support me. I can make my

contribution to the community in my own way.

Do Not see me as your client.

I am your fellow citizen.

See me as your neighbour.

Remember, none of us can be self-sufficient.

Do Not try to modify my behavior.

Be still & listen. What you define as

inappropriate may be my attempt to

communicate with you in the only way I can.

Do Not try to change me, you have no right.

Help me learn what I want to know.

Do Not hide your uncertainty behind "professional" distance.

Be a person who listens and does not take my struggle away from me by

trying to make it all better. Do Not use theories and strategies on me.

Be with me.

And when we struggle with each other, let that give use to self-reflection.

Do Not try to control me. I have a right to my power as a person.

What you call non-compliance or manipulation may actually be the only

way I can exert some control over my life.

Do Not teach me to be obedient, submissive and polite.

I need to feel entitled to say No if I am to protect myself.

Do Not be charitable towards me.

The last thing the world needs is another Jerry Lewis.

Do Not try to be my friend. I deserve more than that.

Get to know me, we may become friends.

Do Not help me, even if it does make you feel good.

Ask me if I need your help.

Let me show you how you can assist me.

Do Not admire me.

A desire to live a full life does not warrant adoration.

Respect me, for respect presumes equality.

Do not tell, correct, and lead.

Listen, support, and follow.

Do not work on me.

Work with me!

It's Saturday!!!

So I just finished reading a fantastic book. It is called Life After God by Douglas Coupland. The back of the book says the author's writing is similar to Jack Kerouac's writing. It is a true story!

It is a collection of beautifully, artistically and creatively written random glimpses and rememberances of the author's life. Much of the time he is on the road, like Mr. Jack. It is called life after God, because it is about a person raised in a family that did not practice any sort of religion, and he was of the first generation of families that commonly raised their children without a traditional religion.

CHECK IT OUT!

Monday/Tuesday say NO to TV

Today is technically Monday, but since I work Sunday-Thursday it is my Tuesday. I'm about to go get my drink on, but I just thought I would write some highlights of my day:

Waking up was NOT a highlight. Nope. I mean, I suppose its good that I woke up, but I was not cheerful.

Miss T: I just want to reflect on how HOLY it is to help someone with their getting ready for bed process. To hold some one's beautiful hands and feet to lotion them up is really sacred. I feel so connected to her, and inspired to always help support others.

One of my dear co-workers was telling me how weird I was. When I complained to Mr. D, he gave me a comforting hug and told me "No, you are not weird".

I spent a good hour with Mr. H today by myself. I love that he finds my stupid songs funny, and my ridiculous actions humorous.

I learned that having brownies for breakfast is pretty stupid.

One last thing:

Many conservatives feel like girls are being sexualized to early, and are too influenced by T.V. Many liberals feel EXACTLY the same way. And the thing is, the sexualization/sexism of women continues. Watch the TV for an hour. How many times is a man in a cooking commercial (besides cooking on the grill) NEVER. Those pop-tart commercials Always have a mom handing out pop-tarts. Women are always the focus of cleaning commercials, and of baby/kid stuff commercials. When girls are little, corporations push being girly and pretty on them. Later, its pushing "sexy" on them, and later still, its being a homemaker. Say WHAT???

I am certainly not saying being a homemaker is wrong . . it is not. It is a beautiful thing to do to support your family. Being a home-maker is not, however, the only choice for women. In some families, it might make more sense for the male figure to be the homemaker. If he is organized, likes to clean and cook, etc, and the woman has a job that she loves, well why not. Or, if both heads of the house, it makes sense for them to share in the homemaking based on their individual strengths.

Anyway, my point is, liberals and conservatives alike are worried because their young ladies are dressing like Britney when they are five, having sex way to soon (before they are ready, because the media makes them think they are ready), and are made to think from a young age that their role in the home is cleaning, cooking, and caring for the kids. We need to do something about this media and these companies that are imposing culture on us. SAY NO to TV!!

And speaking of cleaning stuff, you can clean your whole house with vinegar, baking soda, water and lemon juice.

Cheers :)

Hello!!

Today I went to a social justice fair. It was SO great to be around a bunch of liberals!! Plus, I learned ALOT!

Yes. So here is a short recap.

This really, really, REALLY made me very ANGRY. HOW the HELL did I not KNOW this. I mean, I knew things were bad, but I didn't know they were that bad. and I didn't realize how much of MY. YOURS. OUR. tax money was going to this HELLISH bullcrap horror:

We give Israel 7 million a day. They use it to build up their army and weaponry and to test those weapons on Palestinians. We only ever hear about when Palestinians kill Israelis, but Israelis kill the Palestinians 4 times as often. And most Palestinians are killed on their OWN land (99%), and about half of Israeli deaths occur on Palestinian land. Israelis make it hard for Palestinians to live by deliberately destroying their property, forcing them out of their homes, demolishing their homes, arresting and beating them up for no reason, ETC ETC. Basically it is some serious US supported apartheid.

I had a pretty amazing weekend!!! Or, rather, a pretty amazing halloweekend!! HAHA!! I relaxed, drank tea, read books, relaxed, slept, watched a movie, had a beer (or two), listened to Christmas music, and went to some Halloween gatherings. I think I shall start more seriously studying Buddhism, and add in some meditation and yoga. I really need something to help me focus my life. I got some lovely books, and I'm excitedly reading them. In fact, I'm out. . .bye yall

Fall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's time for pumpkins, leaves (CRUNCHY yella, orange and red ones!!), apple cider, delicious new flavas at coffee and tea places, OHHHHHHH boy!!

These two photos were taken in the beautiful area of Spokane, WA. One on the campus of Gonzaga University, the other on the Centennial trail, which I frequent.

Right now it is RAINING. that does not happen very often in the summer here in Spokane, so it is such a beautiful relief when it does when Fall comes!! I planted some tulip bulbs the other day, and they need rain to get 'em started.

LOL so the other day, my friends and I were talking about books we like to read, when we don't want to read anything heavy. She likes romance novels, and I said "I like to read amish books"

She thought I said, "I like dirty amish books!". Turns out there are such things, OH MY!!

Anyway, just a funny thing I just thought of. I should probably add something to my book log, because I just read some fantastic ones.

OH well. soon enough!!

JULY 26th. . . . one year in l'arche spokane

I really, really, really miss college. I mean not, per se, the mountains of papers I had to write, and tons of tests to study for, but I miss being so passionate about so many things, including learning. I am just too darn tired and busy to be passionate about things. I mean of course I'm passionate about them, but I don't have time or focus to focus on them!! HIGHLY ANNOYING!!! I used to write these long treatises about things, most of them full of fiery, angry passion. And now, I talk about trying new recipes, and figuring out the best way to do things for the core members/house/community. HEAVENS TO MURGATROYED. maybe I'll start by reading some old papers and things. . .

I cannot believe I have never blogged about Zumba!!! Holy cow it is so much fun!!! It is for anybody and everybody that wants to get/stay healthy and in good shape and have fun! There is GREAT music, fun dance moves and tons of variety!! Women everywhere are hooked. I think I like it even more than yoga, and I'm pretty fond of yoga.

Anywhhhoooo check it out!

!!!!!!! This morning, my dear "T" said "Good Morning" to me, before I said it to her. Wayy back in the day, she never even said it if others said it to her!!! THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!! I LOVE l'ARCHE!!!

Durnit

Oh Fiddlesticks. yesterday i posted an entry, and alas, its gone. oh wellsies. here we go again.

Some things I have been reading about and hence pondering.

It is a true true fact that we are supposedly a free country. We have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. This is true, mostly, but, in order to have true freedom, we also need some power. imagine living in a cycle of poverty, working, or looking for a job, but not having enough money to ever be remotely financially secure. What if you work so much you can barely see or be with your family, scrimp on expenses, but still barely scrape by. This is true of many, many, many Americans, and then there are many other Americans with so much money and power that they can influence politics in their favor,which is usually the opposite of what the working poor need and want. Ginourmous conglomerates, the media, and special interest politics are taking over our society and the populist does not get heard. They have no power. So for a free country, we are pretty darn not free. People watch helplessly as crazier and crazier things happen. Schools, for example, are simultaneously losing government (state, local, and national) aid, and are being pressured by so many expectations and rules that are not carefully thought out by people far removed from the school system. What are we to do?? Follow the rules that we know are hurting our kids? Say something and get no where? Not follow the rules and get fired or jail time??

Heavens to betsy.

So, I was a vegetarian for more than two years, than I came to L'Arche and messed up. I mean, how can I encourage my core members to eat, if I am not eating. I'm going to try again, but I need support. I used to make the menu so we only mostly had non-meat protein (including fish, which I know is an animal). I would also be willing to eat locally farm (the old sort of farm) raised meat. I think. Maybe not, because I did read that if we stop eating the meat, and eat the grain they eat (thats grown for the overabundance of cows), we would have more food to share with starving people.

Why is life so confusing??? I wish I could stick more firmly to the things I believe. I wished my actions matched my aspirations, goals, etc. I guess I wish I was more disciplined.

some things I TRY to do to help others (including myself) out.

• Shopping at thrift stores (better for the environment, my wallet, etc)
• Eating simply
• buying minimal technology

Stuff I would like to work towards

• going back to vegetarianism
• packing all my lunches (not eating out, even at subway)
• reading instead of goofing of online.

I freaking love my job!! well its not even a job. i just love l'Arche so DARN much!!!!

I have been getting so many hugs, and kisses, and just little signs of appreciation, care and deep love. I love that my core members take care of me just as much as I take care of them. When my co-assistant accidentally punched me in the eye, my core members were VERY concerned. They asked about it when it happened, a few hours after, and the next day, when I had forgotten about it. Some of them simply asked if I was feeling better, whilst others said they'd "take care of (my co-assistant). HAHAHA. If I am getting teased, D.H. always says "HEEyyyy, Be nice to Abby, she's my friend". So darn cute. And then the hugs from Core members who just don't give hugs very often. They just almost break my heart because of how much I LOVE them. I can't believe I can love so much. I also love the plethera of names I am called. My nickname here is "Ida". My real name is Abigail, but most call me Abby. Hence, I am called Abigail, Ida, Abba, Ab, and Idy. Sometimes I am called pancake, or turkey, or waffle, and once in a while beer can, and young lady. LOL.

have to write in my blog more

We just had a LOVELY retreat with all the other l'Arche communities in the Western Region. Thats three in Washington State, 1 in Portland, OR, and one in Orange County, CA.

It was amazingly fun and fantastical to meet other assistants and core members. It was very inspiring to see everyone interacting. I was also excited to see some of the lovely folks we met at previous gatherings/retreats. Well there was really only one. lol.

My favorite moments were:

--observing the love among core members/assistants and the ease of relationships.

--singing a song from ACF (albright christian fellowship), called Blessed Be Your Name. Although I'm not a fan of the kind of Christianity from ACF I had a lot of good times there, and met some amazing folks, so it brought back memories. The song just seemed to fit better here than at ACF. i don't know why.

--Hanging out one on one with TK. just love that woman!

--Seeing P.K. one of our core members that moved to Tacoma. :)

But, L'arche isn't my only life though. I mean its a HUGE part of my life, but there are other things to talk/write about.

I'm reading this fantastical book called "Oil" by Upton Sinclair. He is an amazing writer. I loved his other book, The Jungle. I started reading it because it was on display at the Library, and thought of the Oil crisis. (what happens if the Oil goes everywhere??????). Anyway, its about corruption among politicians and business owners, and its prettty freaking crazy.

An example of that corruption: The main characters in the book Mr. Ross and his son, own an oil company. In order to be able to maintain their company, and make it grow, they had to join this organization that regulated how much they pay their employees, and also the employees hours and benefits. They regulate a low pay, AND do not allow them to schedule employees on eight hour shifts, rather than 12 hour shifts. So if the business owners decide to be humanitarian with their employees, and let them work reasonable, healthy hours, they would be kicked out of the organization, and then lose all support they have for growth (banks wouldn't loan to them, city workers wouldn't help with construction needs, etc). Basically bureaucracy making it difficult to be good to people. WTF.

Anywhoo, I'm off to a meeting <3

Here's a Rant For you

If my thoughts are in pink, maybs they'll seem less mean.

What they hey is up with this crap of people saying this is a Christian Nation!!?? Whatever happened to the first amendment?? It says the government cannot make a law respecting an establishment of religion or impeding the free exercise of religion. also, here's a quote from the 1797 Tripoli Treaty: "As the government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded in the Christian Religion". I'm not going to deny that many of the founders of our country were Christian, or did believe in some form of God, please keep in mind that Jesus WAS NEVER mentioned in any of the really biggie court documents regarding the founding. Yes there is a bit about us all being created equal, but keep in mind as well that many of these founders were Deist ,meaning they believe in a Creator but impersonal God (one you can't pray to, well you can, but he's not going to answer).

Its NOT a christian nation. it is a nation of Christians, and every other religion (and not religion) so just ignore ppl who say it is. PLEASE!!! its so ridiculous.

jean vanier = love

maybe Jesus dying and resurrection is a symbol of dying to your ego (selfishness, insecurities, prejudices, hate, fears,desire for power and recognition) and then rising in perfect or more perfect love. Except i don't think its a one time thing, its more of a continuous cycle of dying and rebirth, and each time maybe your inner peace and ability to love, understand and forgive becomes bigger (if that makes sense). it is one hell of a sacrifice to make, but it results in more peace and a deeper ability to Love unconditionally and to forgive and understand. As you let go of your ego, you are more aware of other's suffering and pain, and the reason behind their actions. Jean Vanier said that part of forgiveness is seeing the pain, suffering and reasons behind the action, and understanding the circumstances that lead to the person's action. Anyway, why can't I be more coherent??

anywho. thats all for now.

p.s. lol, this is from Jean Vanier, but i suddenly just connected it to the cross, resurrection, dying thing more clearly in my own mind after listening to my favorite song from my christian era, sweetly broken by jeremy riddle.

prayer

The other day in the Body and Soul magazine that comes to our house, I read an article about prayer. The article was written by a skeptic of religion who went on a retreat that involved prayer. At one point, she asked the retreat counselor to whom they were praying to. The counselor told her that it wasn't really about praying to someone, but rather expressing and articulating the deepest desires of your soul. Anyway. I think that is pretty cool! It is a good way to focus your mind, and to keep your thoughts on what you desire and want in life. anyway, I'll write more later.

This is more later too, that I wrote after the next more later, but it goes better here. OH shoot. I forgot what I was going to say blasssst.

Oh yea, so lets say you were praying to be more open minded, and to have less issues with wanting to be in control of situations even though its impossible to have control over everything. If you pray every night for that (directing your prayer to whoever/whatever), it will become imprinted in your mind and thoughts. Well I don't know if thats true, but thats what I am thinking. I think that is why many people write their deepest desires in a journal, so those desires are at the forefront of their thoughts, and they can't be overridden by daily distractions as easily.



This is more later. I was planning on trying to give up fartbook for lent (except for a few minutes every day) so i could focus more on focusing my mind. lol, did that make sense??? But I like writing notes too much, because the results are just way too funny. Really I only write these notes for myself, so I should just write them somewhere else, but then I'd probably lose them. plus, like i said, they are funny!! hahahahahahahahha love yall

Lent

Today I was learning about lent. I did not know this, but the word ‘lent’, back in the day, merely meant ‘springtime’. I mean I knew lent/Easter was all about new birth, re birth, creation and all that jazz, but it was nice to learn this (or maybe learn it again, because I most likely knew that already back in the day. I also got to listen to this one heck of an amazing lady!!! She is just the coolest lady ever, she’s been with l’Arche for 20 years, and is a Catholic sister. I met her a few weeks ago at this retreat for assistants, and man-o-man I liked this lady. She talked all about the interdependence of all things, and that we are a product of millions of years of evolution. She talked about us all having unique and irreplaceable beauty and gifts, and therefore we were the only person in the whole world that could offer what we could. Anyway, I completely agree with the idea of interdependence of ALL things, and that this is why we need to cooperate, sharing our gifts, receiving the gifts of others.
Anyway, at the community I am a part of, we are going through some serious transition and trying to figure out a lot of things. At one point, after hearing a lot of people say “we’ll just go with God’s plan”, she said something like, “remember that God doesn’t have a plan. We are co-creators, we are creating the world anew, your community anew, all we have to do is listen to one another” That just totally made me stop and want to jump out of my seat and hug her!!!!!! It was beautiful <3. We are part of this Universe, which is the closest thing to ‘Divine’ that I can possibly believe in. This Universe is constantly creating and re-creating itself, and we are part of that. Everything we do affects everything else, and one thing I never thought about that she said was, “If you do something for someone it is like doing it to yourself” . . . that’s just like Jesus. I mean just like something or other he said. Well actually I did think about that before, because I know from experience that doing things for others makes you feel so bubbly in side, and also you let go of your ego more and more when you do something for others. When you are an ass to others, you feel bad. Well anyway, she gave us this quote that she also gave us at the retreat. I don’t know who to credit for the quote but here it is, “"everything comes to being through relatedness is sustained through relationship and thrives on interdependence”. Think about it, its so true!!
Oh dear, I forget how I connected these two things together in the beginning, darn. Well lent/Easter, Springtime is new creation, and creation comes through things interrelating and cooperation and all that jazz.
Well the original point of my note was that anyone can participate in Lent then, even if they aren’t Christian. It’s a time for new beginnings, a new creation, re-creating your life. It is a time for personal re-birth, and a re-commitment to your values, your vision, your goals, etc. It takes a combination of things in order for your re-birth to realize itself. Catholics do prayer, almsgiving and fasting. I’m not really Catholic (at all) but I think they are on to something. Prayer is for keeping your mind focused on your goals/ aspirations/purpose/etc, almsgiving is giving of yourself (letting go of caring for yourself) and fasting is refraining from doing the things that keeps you away from realizing your aspirations. SWEEETT!!!!